The Power of Praise

I went to a class about parenting "gifted" children a few months ago.  It was a very interesting and informative class.  I wish I would have had a notepad to write down everything I hoped to remember!  The one thing that caught me off guard and seemed to contradict what I had previously been taught about parenting was the discussion on praise.  When I was a teenager, teachers would occasionally praise students work.  Parents rarely did, it was like thanking someone for something they were supposed to do anyway - unnecessary.  By the time I had kids, the parenting gurus talked about catching your kids (or your husband) doing something good so you could praise them for it.

In this parenting gifted children class, the coordinator of the district's gifted program shared the results of a new study.  Some kids playing on a soccer team were told they were good players; they were satisfied and often didn't want to continue playing soccer the next season.  Other players  were praised for specific things, like their hustle or a good block.  Those kids were more likely to continue playing soccer.  The same held true with academics.  When students were told they were smart after a test, and then turned down the chance to take another similar test.  Other students were given specific praise on things like their effort; they were more likely to volunteer to take another similar test.  The study showed that children are more motivated when their efforts are praised, instead of when the results are praised.  They often feel that they've met the goal when the results are praised.  Conversely, they are motivated to keep improving when they are praised for the process.

Vague praise often feels insincere and patronizing. Children and adults are motivated when we feel truly appreciated and noticed.  I try to keep that in mind when praising and encouraging my children.  I love them because I love them, but I appreciate them for specific reasons; a compliment from a teacher for good participation, finishing a book, or being thoughtful.  Try your own experiment for a week and let me know your results!