Differences Between Boys and Girls

OK, we'll skip the most obvious difference between boys and girls and go straight to this week's focus - the flu.  A couple of my girls were the first to get sick.  They were miserable.  They laid on the couch and occasionally ask for something they needed.  If I asked, they would let me know they weren't having any fun and would appreciate if I'd pull out the genie lamp and magically cure them.  When they started feeling better, they even helped take care of me when I was sick.
 

Yesterday, my son was down with the plague.  He laid on the couch and moaned and groaned and complained.  He spent so much energy focusing on how awful he felt, he wouldn't let himself go to sleep - which is definitely what he needed.  I did what any bad mom would do; I let him watch 20 something episodes of Phineas and Ferb.  Then he wouldn't go to sleep because he was wrapped up in the show.  Which was better on my nerves than his whining.  I knew men have a bad reputation for how they handle illness, I just didn't realize it started so young!


I also realized I prefer Phineas and Ferb over Deadliest Catch; at least they don't have to beep out the cartoon.

Happily Ever After

I heard once that the secret to writing a good story is putting your main character in a situation they would least want to be.  When my children have complained about a villain of a story, I've even told them there wouldn't be much of a story without the villain.  And yet, how often do you feel sad at the end of a book because you don't want it to end.  Wouldn't it be nice to spend more time in the "happily ever after" part of the book?


The older I get and the more hard times I see, the more I think I might like that boring book with no villains and no trails.  I'm curious to see how long I could stay interested in a book with one joyous event after another.  Maybe that story would make me sad because it would be so far from my reality.  

For now I'll settle for the escape to another time, another place and another set of challenges is just what I need to appreciate my own challenges.  I posted our latest book club adventure over at Arizona Mama.

Constructive Criticism

It's funny that how even when I know someone is trying to be constructive, criticism still feels like criticism.  Sometime it is hard to remember that feedback is a gift, especially if when I didn't ask for the feedback.  A while back I received some unexpected feedback and my ego felt the blow, even though it was more of a warning delivered in a fairly kind manner.  


Part of what makes feedback a gift, is being prepared to receive the gift.  I've taken the warning into consideration, and I also try to be more aware of times I might be inclined to give unexpected feedback.  As I write this post, a few situations come to mind that could have been taken as dumping my constructive criticism on someone.  I'm guessing that's how they felt by the defensiveness they projected.


In the Book of Mormon, there's an account of Captain Moroni writing a letter to the governor, condemning him for not sending the necessary men or supplies to the battlefield. Paharon, the governor, had been driven out of the city and was trying to gather the troops and prepare the counter attack.  Even though he was innocent of Captain Moroni's accusations, he responded with patience and kindness.  He even appreciated Moroni's dedication to his country's freedom. Whether you are Mormon or not, this is such a great example of how to handle unexpected feedback and constructive criticism. 


Now I am armed (again) with the lessons of receiving constructive criticism and the reminder to be very careful in giving it.  How do you handle constructive criticism or approach giving it when necessary?

Upcoming Events

I've been focusing on the myriad of upcoming events.  Between now and when school gets out, we have one free weekend.  And our summer is packed and planned.  There's parties, Cub Scouts, Girls Camp and a family vacation.  Overall, there is way too much camping type activities.

How sad is it that school's not even out yet, but I'm already looking forward to the start of the next school year just so I can relax!


Here's a "U" blogger participating in the A to Z Challenge:

• Urban Psychopomp

Don't forget today's the last day to enter the Movie Quote contest!

Restless

I've been feeling a little restless lately.  That usually happens when I start feeling overwhelmed.  When I have trouble doing all that I'm supposed to, I have trouble focusing on any of it.  A game of solitaire becomes very tempting.  

When I see the the signs, I try (again) to eliminate the unnecessary and find a balance to between buckling down and getting the necessities finished and taking some time to relax (and eat cookies).  How about you?  How do you get through those restless days?

Read these "R" bloggers ready for the A to Z Challenge.

• Rach Writes
• Reach for the Sky
• Razzy's Corner
• Rogue's Home Cooked
• Random Writings
• RJR Daydreamer
• Recipes That Please With Ease

*Remember to test your movie knowledge with our Quote Contest!

Overwhelmed

Here's to a new week!  Last week was a little overwhelming; I had something going on six nights - five meetings, a party and a date.  Obviously they weren't all bad things, there was just a lot of them.  


I'm sure most women can relate as we all seem to have big plates that are perpetually full.  I'm not complaining since I'm the one who chooses to take on many of those responsibilities.  I keep trying to find a peaceful balance between what I want to do, what I need to do and the time I have to do it in.  Over time, I seem to make progress.  Weeks like last week remind me of the importance of that balance!


How do you cope when you are on overload?

Check out these "O" A to Z Bloggers.

• One Significant Moment at a Time
• Older Mommy, Still Yummy
• Our Life - Plain and Simple

Good Gossip

Gossip is evil; that's what we're taught, right?  But is it always a bad thing.  Last week I went to lunch with a group of friends and someone mentioned a lady we all know.  Her husband has been laid off more times in the last couple of years than anyone I know.  On the positive side, he's repeatedly found a new job. 


We gossiped about this family, mostly the wife, and it was all good.  We admired her determination to make the best of a bad situation and how generous she is with her time and resources.  Her husband is upbeat and makes finding a job his full time occupation.


It's true, I took part in gossiping and it felt good. 

Buffet of Womanhood Myths

MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN

Be Superwoman - Do it ALL             Women Cannot be Scriptorians

Be SOMEONE - Work in a Career       

To be Beautiful you must be - skinny, pretty, fashionable

     Being a Homemaker is drudgery        Women are not equal to men         

Children are Oppressive - Limit how many you хаве

Chocolate on my Cranium listed the myths above as part of her Wordfull Wednesday.  I sometimes struggle with society's messages about how I should act or look and that I'm really not that valuable because I'm a woman without a paycheck.  For the most part I'm able to shake those messages.  But the one that really gets in my head is trying to do it all.  My goal isn't to be a superhero or do it all, but I want to be so much. I talked about being a wanna be as I looked toward the new year.  I know it's a weakness and I have to look at all I want to do, than look again to figure out what I really want to be when I'm choosing how to focus my efforts.

One of my former Relief Society presidents shared a story in one of her lessons about her family going to a buffet restaurant when she was a child.  She knew at the end of the buffet line there was the best macaroni and cheese ever.  As she proceeded down the line she saw many interesting foods and decided to try a spoonful of this and a spoonful of that.  By the time she reached the best macaroni and cheese ever, she barely had enough room on her plate for a spoonful of the cheesy deliciousness.


She told herself it was alright, she could always go back for seconds.  However, by the time she finished tasting all the new foods, there wasn't enough room in her little tummy for more of her favorite food.  And while she enjoyed trying something new and found other foods she liked, nothing was ever as good as the macaroni and cheese.


When I start to feel overwhelmed or frustrated with challenge of being all that I want to be, I think of that story and it helps me to make better choices about how I spend my time, energy and resources.

The Deception of Perception

I went back to the scene of my accident for the first time a couple of weeks ago and relearned a lesson on perception.  My memories of what went on during the accident are very clear, I remember being distracted by a freeway sign and wondered if I was going the right way.  When my tire went off the road I remember how steep it was off the side of the road.  


When I drove there again, there were a few elements that measured up to my memory, like the freeway sign and the long exit ramp.  But other details were disturbingly different, mostly the lack of steepness off the road.  While it is unsettling, I am reminded of things aren't always as they appear. 


I remember how overwhelming life was after my first baby, but looking back at what I was actually accomplishing back then seems so small compared to all that is required of me now.  My capacity for empathy has increased once again, by seeing my skewed perception and how quickly it can change.

Favorite Feeds Friday: March 4

Happy March!  That means Spring's here, right?  We are definitely enjoying our few days of 80 degree weather.  I guess that means I should take down the Valentines decorations and move on to St. Patrick's Day. Or I could spend my time surfing the web and share my finds with you!

• Today is National Grammar Day!  Who knew?  Grammar Girl has several ways to celebrate.
• Booking Mama interviews Pamela Schoenewaldt author of When We Were Strangers. I love the insight on her research and dedication.
• I enjoyed Amelia Maness-Gilliland's article on Arizona Mama on experiential learning, the process of evaluating lessons learned from small events in our lives and using that knowledge to make better choices next time.
• Little Birdie Secrets is hosting a giveaway for some super cute buttons.
• Poca Cosa shares a free St. Paddy's Day printable.
• If you are looking for some scrapbook inspiration, be sure to check out Pebbles, Inc.

What caught your attention today on the World Wide Web?

Defined by Christ

This morning I finished reading a great book; Defined by Christ by Toni Sorenson.  Three people recommended this book to me, so I figured it might be a worthwhile read because I'm quick like that.  I was not disappointed.  The author struggles with life like everyone I know and shares what helps her to keep going.  


The one thing that hit me yesterday was how much fear I have in my life.  I actually started noticing it a little bit earlier in the week when a friend invited me to join her at a local writing conference.  I told her I wasn't ready to take that step; yesterday I realized it's nothing but fear keeping me home.  As silly as it sounds, I'm afraid of rejection  and even more afraid of success. 


Realization is the first step, now to figure out how to get from where I am to where I want to be!

Saturday Sentament: Discouragement

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged.  Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. ~ Lucille Ball

Great Expectations

Unfortunately, this post isn't about a Charles Dickens book.  I would love to read that one again. This is a wishing post, where I share the Valentines activities I wished I did before time ran out. 

• I had been wanting to leave notes or perform acts of service for my children the week leading up to Valentine's Day.  I loved the Mother Huddle's idea of attaching them to chocolates.
• There were so many cute Valentine crafts, I was hoping to do at least one.
• A Valentine-y game would have been great, but I couldn't find one that hit the spot and I had everything I needed to play.

Before I knew it, the day of love came and went along with my aspirations.  I guess there's always next year.

28 Day Challenge

Whenever I try to lighten my schedule something interesting happens, my brain goes into overdrive with ideas for some really good projects.  Maybe this is interesting along the lines of how whenever you mop, someone is compelled to spill something sticky within the next 18 minutes.  Except some of these ideas are really great, so I made a note of these great projects for when the time is right.  This works better than just adding them to my to-do list because I don't feel like they are hanging over me every day and I can add any details that come to mind.


24/7 Moms had a 28 Day Challenge that tied in nicely with my list of projects.  I like having to categories; small projects that take less than an hour, and big projects that take more than an hour.  The big projects range from shopping trips to projects that will take months to complete.  While I usually complete one project each day, there was some internal pressure to complete a project a day - or else.  Or else what I'm not sure, but knowing me I would beat myself up over another self-imposed, but possibly unnecessary, goal.


To relieve that pressure, I'm tweaking the challenge.  First, I changed the name of my list to "Project List".  I know it's an original name.  I add projects as I think of them, sort of an idea storage vault.  I look over the list every few days and highlight the ones I complete.  Instead of challenging myself to complete a certain number of projects a month, I can celebrate what I do get done.  I can also look to my list when I'm looking for a little direction in my day.  See I did choose the right word for 2011!


How do you organize your projects?

Direction Planning

I'm still working on my word of the year - direction.  I narrowed my wanna be list down to 11 things.  Some things are just for me, like reading and writing.  Other things are talents or goals I want to work on with one or more of my family members, like photography or piano.  And a couple are things indirectly benefit my family like family history and food storage.


With a more manageable list, I need to incorporate my goals into my life.  A list sitting on my desk doesn't mean anything until I put a plan in action.  Some things need attention daily, others several times a week, and still others weekly or monthly.  I keep my goals in mind as I plan out my week, ensuring they find a place on my schedule.  The goals I work on monthly are the most challenging for me to work in because it's easy to repeatedly bump them to the next week, until the month is gone. Now that I'm aware of my procrastinating ways, I should be able to do better next month. 


I was discussing a plan to achieve my goals with my children and explained the word of the year concept.  Being the comedians that they are, they decided to come up with their own words of the year - ice cream, rolls and cookies were suggested.  After I reiterated the word is supposed to be a verb, they tried again - eat, read and sleep were some ideas.  I would love to be young and carefree again; to feel comfortable with myself and adulthood is very far away!

Aspirations of my Heart

Part of the discussion in Simple Abundance is being in tune with the aspirations of your heart.  It's interesting that if you ask a child what they most want right now, they will quickly blurt out something, even if it's silly or unrealistic.  A teenager might be less like to share or adjust their answer to the company, but they often know even if they are unwilling to share.  Once we become "grown up", our true aspirations often get lost in the needs in wants of those around us and we have a hard time picking them out.  I wonder if men have that challenge.


As I record the aspirations of my heart, some are basic things like peace and the ability to live in the moment.  Others are surprising and private.  All are eye opening and remind me of my word for the year - direction.  My aspirations help guide me to true happiness and joy; to becoming the person I hope to find at the end of my pursuit in excellence.

Simple Abundance

For the Christmas of 1999 a friend gave me the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.  For those of you unfamiliar with the book, it's a yearlong journey down the path of life toward comfort and joy with about a page a day to read and some great tools to help you on the way.  It goes along nicely with my lifelong Pursuit in Excellence.  


I've started reading this book several times in the last 11 years, but life kept getting in the way and by mid-March it was one of the too many things on my list and I give up.  I started the book again this year, and like all the other years I enjoy the good message and the focus on the things that are truly important and bring long-term meaning to our lives. 


Each day's reading starts off with a quote; that's where I found Saturday's quote.  One thing that has stuck with me from when I started it before was the Gratitude Journal.  I do that consistently and have a time set aside each evening for my children to do that too.


I'm hoping to actually complete the book this year.  Not only does it go with my long term goals of being the woman my Heavenly Father wants me to be, but it will help with my word of the year - direction. 


What tools have you found to help you focus on your word of the year?

Favorite Feeds Friday: January 7

It feels like New Year's was weeks ago (except for all the Christmas decorations I'm still trying to put away), but here we are with the first Favorite Feeds Friday of the New year.  You might expect this post to be filled with helps for setting goals in the New Year, but not so much.

• We'll start out with the food.  My Favorite Recipes has a Muddy Buddy recipe.  It's one of those things I love, but have never made myself.  I'll have to get around to it one of these days.
• If you want something a little healthier, Joy the Baker's Whole Wheat Molasses Bread might work.  I wonder if it tastes anything like the yummy dark bread from Outback.
• Travelin' Oma shares a thought provoking post on using "real" language versus something more refined.
• You scrapbookers might enjoy Bo Bunny's Layout Challenge Friday.
• The most New Year-sy post is from Your Homebased Mom.  She shares her life lessons learned.  I've learned some of the same things, others I'm still working on.

What posts have inspired you today?

Wanna Be

I admit it, I'm a wanna be.  I have a list as long as my leg of all the things I want to learn and master.  Even though I'm short , that's still a long list.


I wanna be a better writer.
I wanna be a photographer.
I wanna be a better mom.
I wanna learn to play the piano.
I wanna be well read.
I wanna motivate my Cub Scouts.
I wanna loose weight and be healthier.
I wanna learn how to use my new Silhouette.
I wanna learn Photo shop.
I wanna improve my blog.
I wanna find my long lost ancestors with Ninja family history skills.
I wanna grow a garden.  (I'm not sure I'll ever get that one down.)
I wanna have my food storage.
I wanna be a good cook.
I wanna decorate my home and create a peaceful atmosphere.
I wanna throw parties (not just my kid's birthday parties).
I wanna understand more about nutrition.
I wanna catch up on my scrapbooks with beautiful layouts.
I wanna spend time with my family and friends and not feel rushed.
I wanna appreciate the beauty around me.
I wanna have my own business.
I wanna help others.
I wanna strengthen my testimony.
I wanna finish my Wood Badge tickets.
I wanna celebrate life.
I wanna feel connected to those around me in a meaningful way.


Is that much to ask?  I guess it is, especially all at once.  Since I'm not taking a class this semester, I'm trying to decide where to focus my time and energy.  I think all of the things on my list have merit, it's deciding which is the best use of my time that has me a little dizzy.


Several bloggers have chosen a word to focus on for the New Year.  Last year I chose progress.  It's one of my constant words, but I had to go back and see what word I chose last January.  Several of the items listed above are goals I'll be working on this year and some will have to wait. This year my word is direction.  I need to choose the best direction to focus on and choose a plan to get there. 

A Good Friend Is Honest

In the middle of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas celebration, I had an encounter with someone where I felt unjustly attacked but I also knew that I offended the other person, even thought I wasn't sure what I did.  Talking to a friend who witnessed the exchange, she very nicely told me that I did sound snippy at the start of the conversation with the other person.  

That immediately changed my perspective.  I knew I was stressed and grumpy, but I thought I'd done a decent job putting it aside to do what was needed.  My friend's words changed my perspective of the situation, and because of that change I was able to sincerely apologize.


The more I thought about my friend's words, the more I wondered if I would have the courage to tell any of my friends they were wrong.  There's not many people I trust to tell me something like that, especially not with kindness. Would my friends trust me to tell them the truth they don't want to hear?  When I offer suggestions for improvement, does the love I have for that person come through?


At Wood Badge, we learned that feedback is a gift - it needs to presented as a gift (spoken with love) and received as a gift (with an open heart).  Another life lesson put to the test by real life!